Your face is a jimmy john
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
