Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
