There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
