Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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