I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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