honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
