mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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