An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
