Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
