i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
