Got a toothbrush?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can text with my tongue
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
