even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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