So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
