he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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