He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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