Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
