winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
