I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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