I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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