I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
