I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
