Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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