So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
