He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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