I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
