somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm both gender and math confused
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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