summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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