I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
