Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just high enough for therapy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
