Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
