we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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