I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
