He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
