My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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