Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
