I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
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