At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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