We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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