i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
