just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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