The maid of honor just puked.
The best revenge is premature balding
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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