I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
