There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
