Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
