I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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