I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
