Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
