Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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