And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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