You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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