his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
