When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
