i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
