there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
