Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
