i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
