Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
