Can Purell be used as lube?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
