Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
